Sunday, July 13, 2008

CATS & DOGS


A long time ago I determined that there were 2 types of people, those who liked pets and those who did not. Notice that I said liked pets, not those who have or had them. Many people, like myself, like pets but do not presently have one for any number of reasons. Some people who don't like pets have one, either to please (or score points with) a significant other or to appease one or more of their children. This division is not as clear cut as one might think, for a person could like one type of pet and not another (more on this later.)

Considering the people who like pets (hereafter designated "normal" - hey it's my blog and I can and will be judgemental, or at least opinionated!) , there seem to be several subgroups. There are the avian aficionados, who consider these noisy, messy feathered ornaments to be pets when they are really interactive wall hangings that need food and water, A houseplant that poops, if you will. You might get the idea that I am not a bird lover. You would be wrong. I love birds when properly prepared, such as stuffed and roasted, or barbecued.

Another group is those that rear reptiles. I admit that I have family members that do this and no, I don't know where I went wrong. You give a child love , support and sustenance and this is what they turn to - cold blooded denizens of dank nooks and crannies that prefer their meals, shall we say, "on the hoof." Snakes, lizards, turtles - you name it - are not my preferred companions to curl up with me (or worse, around me) in front of the fire, even if they would enjoy it.

Then there are the rodentia raisers. I will concede that these animals are warm blooded quadrupeds. They are not pets. They are furry paper shredders. They want nothing more than to escape their confinement and scurry into your heat duct. There they will die and their odor will permeate your house forever. My brother had a hamster for a while when we were growing up. All I remember of it was the incessant squeaking of the "exercise wheel" (otherwise known as the "audio torture device") all night long, and that it bit through our Mom's thumbnail as she tried to hold it so the little ingrate's cage could be cleaned.

Fish fanatics are masochists, Fish are a quieter and neater form of bird (see above). They reward your care and appreciation by going "belly up" for the slightest of reasons, like water 1/10th of one degree (F) too hot or too cold, or they kill one another without provocation, or they get covered with some form or other of toxic slime and then they die. At least the bodies are disposed of easily...... Fish are not pets, they are either a "screen saver" that consumes time and money, or they are food.

Finally we come to the real subject of this discourse, cats and dogs. They are both warm blooded furry animals that will, on occasion , display affection for their human companions. That is where any similarity ends. I have shared my living space with both, sometimes simultaneously, for the vast majority of my life. I prefer dogs. ( There, that's out of the way and in the open even if it will soon be obvious.) Dogs are (generally) loyal, gregarious and affectionate. Cats are different. Dogs will greet you at the door, wondering where you've been (even if it was just out to the mail box and back) and if you want to play. Cats lift an eyelid and inquire from their place of repose if you perhaps forgot to feed them. Dogs have (to use the generic term, no sexism intended) masters, cats allow you to be their servant. Dogs take life as it comes with little regard for the future, cats scheme. Dogs classify everything into one of two groups, food and not food, and the distinction (blurry at best) is determined by whether or not it stays down after they ingest it. Cats may deign to eat the special (and, in some cases, expensive) food their "staff" provides. Or they may not, regardless of the fact that they would or would not eat it the time before. The only non food things they will eat are houseplants and string (or string like objects such as tinsel.) This happens not to determine if it is food, but rather to annoy their wait staff. Dogs can (and should) be trained by their owners, Cats train their servants, Dogs greet you with the question "Do you still love me?" Cats ask "Did you bring food?"

Now don't get me wrong, I have lived with cats that I truly liked, but I had to accept their differences. I am a dog lover who tolerates cats, but I would never actively seek one. A dog, however, is "man's best friend."

Friday, June 13, 2008

FRIENDS

Who do we call our friends? I don't mean those on some online "buddy list", or the people you nod to at church, or the coworkers that you share stories with over coffee or lunch. I mean those for whom we would drop everything if they needed our help. You know, those that know us ( if we can truly "know" anyone) and still put up with our little (and not so little) quirks and foibles. These are the people that care about us (and sometimes for us) when we are in need, cheer for us when we suceed and cry with us when we grieve, and we,for and with them, in return. We all need and, I hope, have at least one. I have been lucky enough to have several, ranging from my best friend in grammar, jr. high and high school, through my best friend from the last 25 years, to people from my college years that I still see regularly. It is this last "group" (which is our way of referring to ourselves) that causes me to reflect upon the nature of friendship and what it entails.

Some of us met in college, others married into it and some entered through friendship with an existing "member". Our commonalities are age (we are all "Boomers" although we consider our children to be included) and have college educations. We came from different states (both geographic and psychological) and vastly different backgrounds. We live in different states (both kinds) now and pursue very different careers and have a plethora of different interests. Some have families and others are childless. All have been married and some divorced. Some live far away and are seldom seen, the rest of us see each other., in some combination, about every 4 - 6 weeks. We couldn't be more different and yet more alike. We have shared each others lives, the highs and the lows, for 35 years. When I tell "outsiders" of this feat they are incredulous that we have managed to stay in close contact for this period of time, but to me it seems but an instant.

During these years we have "seen it all", births and funerals, weddings and divorces, serious illness and recovery. We have witnessed a man on the moon (ok I know it's a chronological anomaly but the metaphor works) and experienced the heartbreak of the fall of the twin towers. We have seen the end of a war and the onset of a war. We stand on the brink of the future with our eyes on the past. hoping to glean the wisdom we will need to make that leap to whatever lies ahead. Some may view that leap with trepidation, but I do not. I will have my friends with me to catch me if I fall.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

DRIVE ME CRAZY

OK, maybe it's more of a short putt (possibly even a tap in or a "gimme*) but that's not my point. One thing (of many) that makes me nuts is this scenario. I'm driving down a city street trying to reach my destination quickly (I hate to be late) and efficiently (what with the price of gas, don't get me started.) The driver in front of me keeps tapping the car's brakes in a seemingly random fashion. And there is nobody close enough to the front of that car to suggest that this is being caused by an actual need to avoid contact. And the car to my front is going under the posted speed limit....by 5 mph or more. And I have to keep braking in order not to hit him. By now you probably have guessed the cause of this odd behavior........the idiot is busy talking on a cell phone. The most absurd case I have witnessed recently had the driver, deep into his very critical and important conversation, speeding up and slowing down in concert with the rush hour traffic in the adjacent lane, which at times came to a complete stop, while the lane in front was clear for over 10 car lengths. Then there was the guy driving along "two thumb" texting while "holding" the steering wheel at the top center with his 6 "unoccupied" fingers. As I passed him on the right I offerred him "one" of my fingers, but he didn't notice as he tapped away.

I guess I took driver's ed too long ago (and yes, we did have actual cars way back then) to realize that the preferred hand placement while actually driving had evolved from "9 and 3 o"clock" to "10 and 2 o'clock" and now to "one somewhere on the wheel if you're not smoking / eating / drinking / playing with the audio system (aka radio to us geezers) / playing "slap and tickle" with the passenger etc. and the other holding a phone to your ear. Sure, I've made and received calls when driving, but I try to keep them short and never accept / place calls those times when all my attention needs to be on the road. If you think you can multi task and not be distracted, think again. A recent study shows that just listening to a call adversely affects our attention to "the task at hand". I have less of a problem with phone use on the open (limited access) highway under light traffic conditions but even then it is distracting. (I have driven past exits that I take all the time while deeply engrossed in a conversation with someone in the car with me.) All I can say is (to reiterate a bumper sticker I've seen)...HANG UP AND DRIVE !!!!!!!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

MOVIES

So today I went to see the movie "Iron Man", which was an ok action adventure cgi driven superhero flick (Is that even a genre, maybe a sub genre?). Anyway, I digress (get used to it, it happens a lot in my world.) My point is....the previews. Lots of movies, mostly goofy summer comedies starring people like Adam Sandler and / or Steve Carrell. Hidden among these forgettable cinematic treats was the trailer for the new Harrison Ford epic - "Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Lost Skull"(or something like that - the music was loud and the cuts were super fast, like watching a DVD on 60x fast forward). Now I will be the first to admit I paid to see the first 3 "IJ and..." movies in the theater, watched them on HBO and paid again for the DVDs. But I have to ask why #4? Yes, I know, I know it's all about the money. But beyond that, what is the point? The first 3 were ok entertinment but will never be listed in any 100 greatest list if moneymakers are ignored. Did Harrison need to show Calista thet he's a studly as 19 years ago? Did Spielberg think his special effects skills needed honing? Was the screenplay nearing its "sell by" date? Was the release timing set to miss a summer with yet another "Pirates" sequel? Now before you go crazy on me yes, I know "Spielberg's a genius and Ford's an icon". But how much genius does it take to go to the well once more and drag up a long dead body? (Don't get me started about F. F. Coppolla or the whole "Star Wars" thing!) And what kind of stretch does it take to portray the same iron jawed, resolute if reluctant hero (Indy, Jack Ryan,President Marshall)? He has done ( non - action) drama and comedy before and has even played some conflicted ("Blade Runner") or even unlikeable ("The Mosquito Coast") characters. But again this time it's the same old Indy, a little long in the tooth. paired with a young "flavor of the month" manly up and comer. There will be snakes , or scorpions, or rats, or monkey brains to make you go "eew!" There will be chases and plot twists and Commies (standing in for the Nazis). But 10 years from now I will defy you to tell me something about this movie that was that different from the first 3. In fact by then you will find it difficult to keep the 4 completely separate in you mind. (Were the monkey brains #1 or #2? Which one had the Nazi turn to dust instead of melting like the Wicked Witch?) It most likely is related to the company that I read about online in today's New York Times Magazine that buys the rights to dormant brand names (remember Brim coffee or Underalls pantyhose?) and creates a new (and different from the original) product with that name. Just use the name, retool the old familiar product and hope people remember just enough to buy it without asking what's inside. But never fear, the new movie will be appearring soon on 27 screens near to where you are, even if half the movies reviewed online or in the east and west coast papers never will.